ever here any of these blonde jokes?
Posted On April 8, 2011
Question by burnt bob: ever here any of these blonde jokes?
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, “What’s the story?”
He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could se! e her license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my
license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”
At The Doctor’s Office
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?
“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” “HELLLOOOOOOO……,” answered the blond. “They’re watch dogs!”
A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned. She asks the clerk, “How much?”
He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”
She giggles and says “No…it’s just mustard this time.”
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking…….. and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away………Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida…?????”
Making a Bet
There once was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes, so she decided to dye her hair red and try and trick everyone into thinking that she was a redhead. After she dyed her hair, she went for a drive to see if she could trick anyone. She came across a sheep herder and his herd and said, “If I can guess how many sheep you have in your herd, can I take one home?” The sheep herder said, “Sure!” The blonde proudly said, “There are 345 sheep.” The sheep herder exclaimed, “Wow! That is absolutely right, so go ahead and pick a sheep to take home.” The Blonde got out, got a sheep, and put it in her car. The sheep herder said, “Now I have a deal for you. If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”
Blonde Cop Wannabe
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. “Okay, honey,” the sheriff drawled, “What is 1 and 1?” “Eleven,” she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but she’s right.” Then the sheriff asked, “What two days of the week start with the letter ‘T’?”. “Today and Tomorrow,” she replied. He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. “Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?”, asked the sheriff. The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, “I don’t know.” The sheriff replied, “Well, why don’t you go on and work on that one for a while?” So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her buds were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was overjoyed. “It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!”
A blonde is in a store and sees a thermos. She picks it up and asks the clerk what it is. The clerk says, “It’s a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” The blonde decides to buy the thermos. She brings it to work the next day. The blonde’s boss (also a blonde) asks what it is. “It’s a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” explains the blonde. “So what do you have in it?” asks the boss. The blonde answers, “Some hot chocolate and a popcicle.”
Making It To Heaven
One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all driving in a car when the car crashed. Minutes later they appeared up in heaven. God says to them “Ahead are 100 stairs, at each stair you will be told a joke, if you laugh you will take the one way train to Hell, if you remain silent, you will continue on. If you make it to the top, you will stay in Heaven.” So the brunette started up the stairs. At the 55th stair she laughed, and was sent abroad the train to hell. The redhead started to climb but laughed at the 79th stair and got on the train to Hell. The blonde started up and made it to the 100th stair. She paused, then began laughing non stop. Shocked, God asked her why she had laughed. Still laughing she replied, “I finally got the first joke!”
Answer by Lady Ettejin of Wern
Most of those are out and out hilarious.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!