Which one’s the funniest?
Posted On April 11, 2011
Question by Helen: Which one’s the funniest?
“Who killed Abraham Lincoln?” the teacher asked her Year Seven students. Everyone but John raised a hand to answer.
“Do you know, John?” she asked.
“Dammit, I don’t know and I don’t care!” the boy yelled, arms crossed. “Stop asking me stupid questions.”
Upset, the teacher kept John after class and called his father for a conference.
“What’s the problem?” John’s dad asked when he arrived. “Why is my son in detention?”
“I asked John who killed Abe Lincoln and he cursed and said he didn’t know and didn’t care, and told me to stop asking him questions,” she said.
Furious with his son, the man grabbed John by the collar. “What’s your problem, son?” he shouted. “If you killed the man, just say so.”
One day, the general noticed a soldier behaving oddly. He would pick up every piece of paper he saw, read it, frown and say, ”That’s not it,” and drop it.
After a month of this, the general finally arranged to have the soldier tested. The psychologist found that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, ”That’s it.”
Three men are sitting in the waiting room of a hospital. A nurse walks over to the first one and says, “Congratulations. You’re the father of twins.”
“What a coincidence,” he says. “I work for Twin Towers Bank.”
A while later, the nurse comes out to congratulate the second man. “You are the proud father of triplets,” she tells him.
“That’s funny,” says the new dad. “I work for AAA.”
The third expectant father jumps up, a look of terror on his face, and runs for the door.
“Sir, where are you going?” the nurse calls out.
He yells over his shoulder, “I work for 10,000 Auto Parts!”
A primary school class was asked to tell a story with a moral. Kathy went first. “Once, we were driving a basket of hen eggs to market and we hit a big bump in the road. The eggs broke. The moral is don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”
Tammy was next. “Once, we had a dozen chicken eggs, but when they hatched, we got only ten chicks. The moral is don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.”
Then it was Johnny’s turn. “When my Aunt Karen was in Desert Storm, her plane was hit. She bailed out over enemy territory with only a bottle of whisky and a machine gun.
“She drank the liquor on the way down so it wouldn’t break, and landed in the middle of 100 enemy soldiers. She killed 70 with the machine gun, and when she ran out of bullets, she killed the rest with her bare hands.”
“What is moral of that terrible story?” the teacher asked, horrified.
“Stay away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking.”
Answer by Lola Hughes
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